In God's waiting room
by bailey64
Summary: The consequences of consenting to a medical trial are starting to turn negative for Jac Naylor.


_A strange little one shot. Please review to let me know your thoughts :-)_

Jac Naylor lay perfectly still with her eyes closed trying to work out exactly what was happening. Her body ached, a sense of sheer exhaustion weighing down on her. The last thing she remembered was being in her office but she knew she wasn't there now. For one thing the floor she was currently lying on was too hard and cold to be the rough carpet of her second home. She was also aware she wasn't wearing her scrubs anymore. The fabric that clothed her had the unmistakable starchy stiffness of a hospital gown. She slowly opened opened one eye and then quickly closed it again. The light that had reached her was bright. Too bright to be tolerated. Giving out a soft groan of effort she carefully rolled onto her side. She lay still again for a few moments before opening both eyes and giving herself sometime to adjust to the light. Everything before her was white. The wall was as white as the hard floor beneath her. She steeled herself for the effort it would take and slowly moved her body so she was sitting. Her head swam nauseatingly and she reached up with her hands to grip her head as though to steady herself. After sitting like this for a moment she felt brave enough to lift her head to get a better look at her surroundings. It appeared as though she were inside a long white tunnel. There was no end to be seen of the space she was in. The white walls either side of her rose upwards to a curved ceiling from which hung the bright lights she had first seen . 'I'm having dream, that's aIl' Jac thought in order to comfort herself. By twisting her neck she saw there was a white bench along the wall behind her. To give herself something to do she slowly swivelled her body around to face it. It would be more dignified to sit on the bench than remain sprawled here on the floor. Not that there was much dignity in having to shuffle towards it on her bottom but Jac didn't yet trust her body enough to try to standing. Once she had reached the bench she placed her hands on the seat and taking a deep breath she hulled her body upwards. The movement made her feel dizzy but still she managed to twist herself around to sit on the cool metal seat. She rested a moment, taking slow and steady breaths as the pain from her movements ebbed away from her.

'Hello?' She called out loudly. It surprised her that her voice didn't echo inside the vast chasm of the tunnel. 'Hello?' She called again, unsuccessfully keeping her desperation out of her voice.

'Hello sis' a voice she recognised spoke beside her.

Jac 's body jerked with shock at she looked to her left. 'But you're dead!' She stuttered as she looked at a smiling Jasmine Burrows seated beside her. Jac's head swam as she took in the information of her younger sister appearing, as real as day, sitting with her in whatever this place was. All smiles, dyed blonde hair and dimples just as Jac remembered her. Jasmines jeans, red t-shirt and camel jacket looked warm and vibrant against the stark whiteness of their surroundings.

'I am dead' Jasmine agreed with a laugh.

'Does this mean...am I...?' Jac felt sick as realisation began to wash over her.

Jasmine shook her head. 'No you're not dead. At least not yet. You must be pretty close to it though otherwise you wouldn't be here.'

'I don't want to die' Jac tried to swallow down on the ball of emotion that had lodged in her throat.

'Nor did I' Jasmine shrugged helplessly.

'I wasn't done yet.' Jac spoke weakly as she rested her back against the hard back of the bench.

'Neither was I' Jasmine shrugged again. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Jasmine spoke 'You don't look good Jac.'

'Thanks' Jac rolled her eyes.

'Why did you let him operate on you?' Jasmine asked, a note of exasperation in her voice.

'Because I wanted to live the life I had before' Jac closed her eyes as she tried to take in what was happening to her. A thought entered her head. 'Why wasn't I here before? When I got shot I mean. Everyone had been so convinced I was going to die but I didn't come here then.'

'I guess you weren't as close to death as you are now' Jasmine pondered.

Jac snapped open her eyes to look at her sister 'how did you know I'd been operated on?' the questions were coming to her thick and fast now.

'We can see you. Well not see exactly, more like a sense of just knowing.' Jasmine swung her legs like a child as she tried to explain. 'When you're alive you make these connections with people and then when you die and cross over you get to keep those connections. I feel every thing you go through in here' Jasmine placed her hand over her heart. 'I guess then we just sort of know what's happening to you.' She narrowed her eyes at her sister 'you've been making a lot of wrong choices just lately.'

'This is insane' Jac muttered, shakily standing. Her legs felt as though they would withstand her weight but she reached out and grabbed the top of the bench for support. 'Clearly I'm having another episode, a nervous breakdown. None of this is real!' she exclaimed loudly.

'Isn't it?' Jasmine looked amused.

'Of course it isn't!' Jac huffed. 'This is all going on in my head. My imagination has conjured you up to taunt me with my own guilt!'

'You feel guilty over me?' Jasmine arched her eyebrow in surprise.

'It doesn't matter because you're not real!' Jac bellowed, swaying slightly on her unsteady feet.

Jasmine reached out and pinched Jac's arm hard.

'Ouch!' Jac glowered, snatching her arm away. She almost fell over and Jasmine leapt up from her seat to steady her.

'I'm as real as you are Jac Naylor' Jasmine spoke seriously as she held onto her sisters arm. 'Please sit back down before you fall down.'

Jac looked into her sisters eyes as reality began to sink in. Jasmines hands were soft and warm against her own skin. She felt solid and human. She allowed her sister to help her sit back down before she let out a sob of despair at her situation.

'It's going to be okay you know' Jasmine spoke softly. 'At the moment you are weak and hurting but the minute you cross over you'll be well again and free from pain.'

'I don't want to cross over' Jac sobbed unashamedly. 'I can't leave my child!'

'Oh' Jasmine sounded surprised, as though she'd just remembered. 'I forgot you have more reason to stay than I did.'

'You forgot you had a niece?' Jac sniffed. 'I thought you had connection with us?'

'You never let me meet Emma remember?' Jasmine rolled her eyes 'I'm only connected to you. Although I like it when you're with her. You're happy then.' She tentatively placed a hand on her sisters shoulder before speaking compassionately 'I'm sorry.'

'So this is definitely it then?' Jac spoke thickly as she tried to compose herself. 'I'm here to wait until I'm officially dead?'

'Well this is God's waiting room' Jasmine shrugged unhelpfully as she removed her hand from her sister's shoulder. 'You're stronger than I was, I was only here for a few minutes before Seraph came to get me. You've been here four days. I thought you were never going to wake up.'

'Who's Seraph?' Jac questioned. She found it was easier if she talked.

'An angel' Jasmine sounded matter of fact. 'Well actually _the_ angel seeing as there is only one. He's the gatekeeper to the next world.'

'I never believed in any of this stuff' Jac shook her head.

'It doesn't matter. God has seen the good in you. You wouldn't be here otherwise.'

'I doubt there was much good' Jac laughed sardonically.

'I'm not going to big you up if you're fishing for compliments' Jasmine sighed. 'But you are a good person Jac Naylor. There are so many people waiting to greet you, to say thank you for all you did for them.' They sat in silence for a bit before Jasmine spoke again. 'You should have kissed Adrian Fletcher you know.'

'I know' Jac nodded. 'Maybe it's better that I didn't. I'm not his favourite person right now.'

'Hmm. Well you're not feeling what I'm feeling right now. They're all stressed out trying to save you. He's sorry you had a row, he needs you to get better.'

'Except I'm not going to get better am I?' Jac looked at her sister.

'I've heard rumours that some people get to go back' Jasmine looked away unable to bear the look of hope that had suddenly filled her sisters eyes. 'They are just rumours though Jac. It didn't happen to me.'

'You had lost a lot of blood' Jac shook her head. 'Foolish girl.'

'At least what happened to me was an accident. You went under the knife knowing Gaskal is a mad man.' Jasmine responded tartly.

'It was my only chance' Jac was quick to defend her decision.

'Would being in a wheelchair really have been so bad?' Jasmine tisked.

'I needed to be able to operate. It's what I live for!' Jac snapped.

'You could have changed career. Easily with a brain like yours. Your life is worth more than your achievements in the operating theatre.' Jasmine looked back at her sister. 'I was so proud you were my sister. Even when I was so mad at you, I was still proud of what a fighter you were.'

'I'm currently still alive and l still have fight left' Jac scowled at her sister.

'Yes you do Jacqueline Naylor' a deep voice spoke to the right of Jac.

'People really need to stop sneaking up on me in here!' Jac spoke with fright as she turned to see a tall black man dressed in a white robe had joined them on the bench.

He chuckled. 'You are quite extraordinary Jacqueline Naylor. I have been looking forward to meeting you.'

'I'm guessing you are Seraph?' Jac questioned. He nodded. 'I'm not ready to go yet.'

'No you are not' he agreed. 'Yet you are also frightened of what your life may be like with constant pain and illness.'

'It's okay' Jasmine took hold of her sisters hand supportively. 'I'll stay with you when you cross over.'

'Your sister may not cross over' Seraph spoke kindly to Jasmine. 'It is not yet certain.'

'But I thought...' Jasmine started to say before Seraph shook his head.

'So I may not die?' there was hope in Jac's voice.

'You have many good people fighting to save you but it is not that which is making you stay with the living.' Seraph answered. 'It is you and the love you hold for your child.'

'I fought hard and yet you didn't let me stay' Jasmine sulked.

'It was your time Jasmine Burrows' Seraph smiled kindly. 'Jacqueline has suffered many times over. God thinks such suffering deserves a choice.'

Jac felt Jasmine's grip tighten on her hand. 'You're giving me a choice?'

Seraph nodded. 'I am sure Jasmine has told you that the next world is free of pain. You will not suffer there. However you can choose to go back to your current world to continue to help and fight for those you love.'

'If I go back will I fully recover?' Jac asked.

'You will recover' Seraph nodded 'however the journey will not be easy. I can not promise you a pain free path. You would have to be patient and trust that you will eventually get back to using the skills which God blessed you with.'

'Jac doesn't know what patience is' Jasmine sniggered.

As Seraph chuckled Jac turned to look at her sister. She conveyed her question with her eyes.

'Emma needs you' Jasmine smiled reassuringly at her. 'You can take all the pain in the world in order to be there for her.'

Jac squeezed her sisters hand and let it go before turning back to Seraph. 'How do I go back?'

Seraph smiled at her before standing. He placed his hands on top of Jac's head and closed his eyes. A warm sensation of peace and such love that she had never felt before descended over Jac. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to feel it. She opened her eyes as Seraph removed his hands.

'Stand my child' he commanded gently.

As Jac got to her feet she realised she was stronger, able move without the fear of pain or dizziness.

'To leave here you must walk in this direction' Seraph gestured with his arm to the right. 'The tunnel will lead you back.'

'Will I remember any of this?' Jac asked.

Seraph shook his head. 'You may have a feeling that something happened to you but you will not remember the specifics. After all none of this really exists' he winked at her.

Jac look over to her sister. 'I guess this is goodbye then.'

'Not forever though' Jasmine stood up and stepped towards her. 'I'll come and wait with you the next time you're here. Just make sure you're really really old okay?'

'I promise' Jac agreed with a soft laugh. She was surprised when Jasmine suddenly hugged her and it took her a few seconds to respond by wrapping her arms around her. 'I love you' she whispered.

'I know' Jasmine smiled as she released her sister from her embrace. 'I knew it the second you stepped in to protect me.'

'I'm sorry I couldn't protect you enough' Jac spoke sadly as a single tear ran down her cheek.

'You're not responsible for everything sis.' Jasmine wiped away Jac's tear with her fingers. 'You'd better go, Sacha is waiting and praying for you.'

Jac nodded and started to walk into the tunnel.

'Continue to be extraordinary Jacqueline Naylor' she heard Seraph say as a bright light engulfed her.

She would Jac thought to herself as she closed her eyes against the brightness. She would be extraordinary at everything she did. Most importantly she would love Emma, for Emma was her greatest light in life.

Emma was her first thought when she eventually opened her eyes on ICU. Sacha had smiled and cried as he held her hand, kissing her forehead when he'd eventually been allowed access to see his friend.

'I missed you' Jac croaked out. She felt as though she had been away an age. Although as to where she had no idea.

'Not as much as we missed you' Sacha laughed. He pressed a small cool metal object into her hand. 'I promised I'd look after it for you didn't I?' She closed her eyes again. 'Just rest now' Sacha spoke comfortingly to her. 'Emma needs her mum back as strong as she always is. It's all going be okay now.' Jac allowed herself to be comforted by his words as she drifted off to sleep. There would be all the time in world for explanations as to how she'd ended up in ICU. The fight to get strong again would be tough but she knew without seconds doubt that it would be worth it.


End file.
